Highly opinionated short post.
The holidays are kind of a fucking joke. A obfuscated thing driven by corporate America to fuel a race among friends for status and acceptance, a ruse of a marketing scheme. Yuppie REI hippies complain about inorganic foods altering the DNA of their body, while Macy’s and cable TV have already programed the notion of spending loads of money this time of the year, and it’s worked so well.
I enjoy giving people gifts, infact I’m sure in the next two – three weeks I will do such things, as I would any time of the year. My friends mean more to me then recipients to impulsive mindless gift buying and giving. I take time away from my life during the eleven other months for them, the only difference this month is anything that I give will have no relation or anchor to the fact that the rest of United States is doing it because the colors red and green trigger a feeling similar to farmers knowing when it’s time to harvest. What I give is because the persons I’m gifting are special to me and deserve to be reminding of that whenever I damn well please.
Don’t bother giving me something if you’re stressing about it, if you think that if you don’t I’m going to deem you as a bad person because it’s December gifting time and I see that as an important test of our friendship. Think about what I mean to you and how that works into your life, and whenever you want, however you want, show it, to whatever extent that you want. The more you step away from the forced internal alarm that the rich of this nation have created for the rest-of-the-world class, the more I will see you as a human being.
32 Comments
h8r
So not getting you a gift this Christmas.
*steals your h8rade*
Dear RubinClaus,
I want a raise, I want to go home, I want sex, I want a cookie.
Oh and I also want a pony I can name ‘OMG’.
Your Friend, Mella
There will be no RubinClaus this year, or ponies. Only unicorns.
Yay!!!
Unicorns, cookies and sex for everyone!! It IS the most wonderful time of the year!!!
can the pony be an ice cream pony?
Gin, only gin, no ice cream.
How the hell can you make a pony from gin?
Magic baby, magic. Except this ain’t no pony, it’s a mother fucking unicorn.
Can the unicorn shit Lucky Charms and vomit glitter?
wait. we’re getting off topic. mella specified a *pony.*
an unicorn, while of the (fantastical) equine category, is not a *pony.*
strictly, anal-retentively, technically speaking.
unless you made the unicorn less than 14.2 hands high at the withers.
only then can the point be debated.
i still vote for ice cream.
Eli, as much as this sounds grand, if I were sober right now, it’s completely not on par with the theme of the night. You obviously don’t see the fact that I’m trying to let you know that Unicorns are the new Black, is what’s in right now.
Pony’s out.
Gin in.
Get with the program or don’t ride the Unicorn.
And by the way, you can ride the Ice Cream Unicorn any damn time you well please.
…in all seriousness though, I feel you on everything you wrote. I’m terrible at prescribed gift-giving, year-round, because I hate shopping specifically for a Gift. It doesn’t feel right.
It’s amazing how many things don’t feel right, yet people do it, because if they don’t they’ll feel wrong and out of place by example.
what the fuck am i going to do with this fondue set now huh mr smart guy
I am surprised by the lack of interesting results I got doing an image search for fondue porn.
Give that I actually have a fondue set, I may have to fix this.
Damn! I bought you some Bah Humbug, but it seems you already have plenty.
Yea, Macy’s is right down the street from my office. It hit me early this year.
I gift you with my presence at Center Camp. That should be enough!
More then enough, thank you.
next time I give you something, even (or especially) if it’s in like march, I’m going to throw it at you yelling FUCK YOU MERRY CHRISTMAS and then run away.
This will be especially amusing if it’s a vase.
ETA: or on fire.
or a vase on fire
Fire, in the form of a vase.
How about I steal something from your house, wrap it up in a box, and give it to you as a present?
I am so ok with that then when I’m sober I am not ok with that.
All I want for xmas is the weather to be foggy and rainy all december long. Yayyyyyy.
Only Unicorns.
Unicorn weather? Sounds fabulous!
Amen, brother
“Crappy Christmas Presents Are Literally Ruining the World”
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2008/12/crappy-christmas-presents-ruining-world.php