Rubin Starset

One of the things I've been aiming for recent is to live completely without expectations. As a result it seems like I haven't gotten as exited about something as I did months ago. I think this is starting to become a negative aspect of my life, to not actually be extremely exited (pony peeing rainbows) about much of anything. Maybe this is turning me into a boring person? To my friends and within myself.

Today I had a series of communications to varied wildly on the emotional scale, I surprised myself by eventually feeling overwhelmed by it all. My time to myself tonight went to waste from a lack of focus. Wishing that all this were easier.

There are things missing from my life right now, some I know about, others are a mystery in themselves. The need to focus on figuring out what these missing things are is rather hard, the feeling replaced with a want to dig a hole and live in it.