Message To Friends: Please Don't Give Me a Gift
Highly opinionated short post.
The holidays are kind of a fucking joke. A obfuscated thing driven by corporate America to fuel a race among friends for status and acceptance, a ruse of a marketing scheme. Yuppie REI hippies complain about inorganic foods altering the DNA of their body, while Macy’s and cable TV have already programed the notion of spending loads of money this time of the year, and it’s worked so well.
I enjoy giving people gifts, infact I’m sure in the next two – three weeks I will do such things, as I would any time of the year. My friends mean more to me then recipients to impulsive mindless gift buying and giving. I take time away from my life during the eleven other months for them, the only difference this month is anything that I give will have no relation or anchor to the fact that the rest of United States is doing it because the colors red and green trigger a feeling similar to farmers knowing when it’s time to harvest. What I give is because the persons I’m gifting are special to me and deserve to be reminding of that whenever I damn well please.
Don’t bother giving me something if you’re stressing about it, if you think that if you don’t I’m going to deem you as a bad person because it’s December gifting time and I see that as an important test of our friendship. Think about what I mean to you and how that works into your life, and whenever you want, however you want, show it, to whatever extent that you want. The more you step away from the forced internal alarm that the rich of this nation have created for the rest-of-the-world class, the more I will see you as a human being.
Tue 2008-12-09T21:15:15+00:00 at Permalink
h8r
Tue 2008-12-09T21:18:51+00:00 at Permalink
So not getting you a gift this Christmas.
Tue 2008-12-09T21:19:51+00:00 at Permalink
*steals your h8rade*
Tue 2008-12-09T21:20:52+00:00 at Permalink
Dear RubinClaus,
I want a raise, I want to go home, I want sex, I want a cookie.
Oh and I also want a pony I can name ‘OMG’.
Your Friend, Mella
Tue 2008-12-09T21:22:20+00:00 at Permalink
There will be no RubinClaus this year, or ponies. Only unicorns.
Tue 2008-12-09T21:27:22+00:00 at Permalink
Yay!!!
Unicorns, cookies and sex for everyone!! It IS the most wonderful time of the year!!!
Tue 2008-12-09T21:32:05+00:00 at Permalink
…in all seriousness though, I feel you on everything you wrote. I’m terrible at prescribed gift-giving, year-round, because I hate shopping specifically for a Gift. It doesn’t feel right.
Tue 2008-12-09T22:14:36+00:00 at Permalink
what the fuck am i going to do with this fondue set now huh mr smart guy
Tue 2008-12-09T22:22:46+00:00 at Permalink
Damn! I bought you some Bah Humbug, but it seems you already have plenty.
Tue 2008-12-09T22:47:34+00:00 at Permalink
I gift you with my presence at Center Camp. That should be enough!
Tue 2008-12-09T22:56:36+00:00 at Permalink
It’s amazing how many things don’t feel right, yet people do it, because if they don’t they’ll feel wrong and out of place by example.
Tue 2008-12-09T22:59:16+00:00 at Permalink
I am surprised by the lack of interesting results I got doing an image search for fondue porn.
Tue 2008-12-09T22:59:49+00:00 at Permalink
Yea, Macy’s is right down the street from my office. It hit me early this year.
Tue 2008-12-09T22:59:57+00:00 at Permalink
More then enough, thank you.
Wed 2008-12-10T00:07:13+00:00 at Permalink
Give that I actually have a fondue set, I may have to fix this.
Wed 2008-12-10T01:15:34+00:00 at Permalink
next time I give you something, even (or especially) if it’s in like march, I’m going to throw it at you yelling FUCK YOU MERRY CHRISTMAS and then run away.
This will be especially amusing if it’s a vase.
Wed 2008-12-10T01:16:07+00:00 at Permalink
ETA: or on fire.
Wed 2008-12-10T05:11:34+00:00 at Permalink
or a vase on fire
Wed 2008-12-10T08:02:28+00:00 at Permalink
can the pony be an ice cream pony?
Wed 2008-12-10T08:24:58+00:00 at Permalink
Gin, only gin, no ice cream.
Wed 2008-12-10T08:25:15+00:00 at Permalink
Fire, in the form of a vase.
Wed 2008-12-10T08:27:17+00:00 at Permalink
How the hell can you make a pony from gin?
Wed 2008-12-10T08:28:53+00:00 at Permalink
Magic baby, magic. Except this ain’t no pony, it’s a mother fucking unicorn.
Wed 2008-12-10T08:30:24+00:00 at Permalink
Can the unicorn shit Lucky Charms and vomit glitter?
Wed 2008-12-10T08:35:24+00:00 at Permalink
wait. we’re getting off topic. mella specified a *pony.*
an unicorn, while of the (fantastical) equine category, is not a *pony.*
strictly, anal-retentively, technically speaking.
unless you made the unicorn less than 14.2 hands high at the withers.
only then can the point be debated.
i still vote for ice cream.
Wed 2008-12-10T08:59:05+00:00 at Permalink
Eli, as much as this sounds grand, if I were sober right now, it’s completely not on par with the theme of the night. You obviously don’t see the fact that I’m trying to let you know that Unicorns are the new Black, is what’s in right now.
Pony’s out.
Gin in.
Get with the program or don’t ride the Unicorn.
And by the way, you can ride the Ice Cream Unicorn any damn time you well please.
Wed 2008-12-10T09:14:09+00:00 at Permalink
How about I steal something from your house, wrap it up in a box, and give it to you as a present?
Wed 2008-12-10T09:20:36+00:00 at Permalink
All I want for xmas is the weather to be foggy and rainy all december long. Yayyyyyy.
Wed 2008-12-10T09:22:39+00:00 at Permalink
I am so ok with that then when I’m sober I am not ok with that.
Wed 2008-12-10T09:28:12+00:00 at Permalink
Only Unicorns.
Wed 2008-12-10T10:24:37+00:00 at Permalink
Unicorn weather? Sounds fabulous!
Mon 2008-12-22T08:07:16+00:00 at Permalink
Amen, brother
“Crappy Christmas Presents Are Literally Ruining the World”
http://www.treehugger.com/files/2008/12/crappy-christmas-presents-ruining-world.php